Aristophanes, Gender an, d Sexuality
On the broade receptior onf Aristophane isn nineteenth-centur Britainy se,e Walsh in this volume 5 Aga (1919)r A further Loeb edition of Aristophanic fragments was published by Henderson in 2007 6 Sommerstei (2006 130) n 7 Fo morre on Beardsley and his illustration os f Lysistrata, se Walseh in this volume
Aristophanes, Lysistrata,
Aristophanes, Lysistrata,,,,, Translated,by,Ian,Johnston, Vancouver,Island,University, Nanaimo,,BC, Canada,,,, , LYSISTRATA, 2, TRANSLATOR’SNOTE, The,translation
ARISTOPHANES’ “WOMEN IN PARLIAMENT”
115 First Woman: Oh, I don’t know, really Lack of experience is a dreadful thing, you know I mean about speeches Praxagora: But that’s precisely why we’re here, darling; to get ourselves all prepared with what we’re going to say
Aristophanes Lysistrata: A Dual Language Edition
A Dual Language Edition Greek Text Edited by F W Hall and W M Geldart English Translation and Notes by Ian Johnston Edited by Evan Hayes and Stephen Nimis
The Birds by Aristophanes - Full Text Archive
The Birds by Aristophanes The Birds by Aristophanes THE BIRDS by Aristophanes [Translator uncredited Footnotes have been retained because they provide the meanings of Greek names, terms and ceremonies and explain
Aristophanes, Frogs (e-text)
For Annie in whom the best spirit of Aristophanes still lives on THE FROGS DRAMATIS PERSONAE XANTHIAS: a slave DIONYSUS: the god, appearing in human form as a middle-aged man
Aristophanes Clouds: A Dual Language Edition
ix On Satire in Aristophanes’ CLOUDS by Ian Johnston Th e following is the text of a lecture by Ian Johnston, delivered in part in the main lecture for Liberal Studies 111 at Malaspina
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AristophanesLysistrataTranslatedbyIanJohnstonVancouverIslandUniversityNanaimo,BCCanadaLYSISTRATA2TRANSLATOR'SNOTEThetranslation,whichhasbeenpreparedbyIanJohnstonofMalaspinaUniversity-College,NanaimoBritishColumbia,Canada-nowVancouverIslandUniversity),maybedistributedtostudentswithoutpermissionandwithoutcharge,providedthesourceisacknowledged.Thereare,however,copyrightrestrictionsoncommercialpublicationofthistext-fordetailsconsultIanJohnstonatian.johnston@viu.ca).NotethatinthetextbelowthenumbersinsquarebracketsrefertothelinesintheGreektext;thenumberswithoutbracketsrefertothelinesinthetransla tedtext.Innumberingthelinesof theEnglish text,thetranslatorhasnormallycountedashortindentedlinewiththeshortlineaboveit,sothattwoshortlinescountasoneline.ThetranslatorwouldliketoacknowledgethevaluablehelpprovidedbyAlanH.Sommerstein'seditionofLysistrata-Aris&Phillips:1990),parti-cularlythecommentary.Itisclearthatinthisplaythemalecharactersallwearthecomicphallus,whichisaninte gralpar tofthe actionthroughout.Note,too,that inseveralplacesinLysistratathereissomeconfusionanddebateoverwhichspeechesareassignedto whichpe ople.Thesemomentso ccur,forthemostpart,inshortconversationalexchanges.Hence,theremaybesomedifferencesbetweenthespeakersinthistextandthoseinothertrans-lations.Aristophanes-c.446BCtoc.386BC) wasthefore mostwriter ofOl dComedyinclassical Athens.H isplayLysistratawasfirst performedinAthensin411BC,twoyearsafterthedisastrousSicilianExpedition,whereAthenssufferedanenormousdefeatinthecontinuingwarwithSpartaanditsallies-aconflictwithlastedfrom431BCto404BC).
LYSISTRATA3DRAMATISPERSONAELYSISTRATA:ayoungAthenianwifeCALONICE:amaturemarriedwomanMYRRHINE:averyattractiveteenagewife.LAMPITO:astrongyoungcountrywifefromSparta.ISMENIA:awomenfromThebesSCYTHIANGIRL:oneofLysistrata'sslavesMAGISTRATE:anelderlyAthenianwithwhitehairCINESIAS:husbandofMyrrhineCHILD:infantsonofMyrrhineandCinesiasMANES:servantnurseoftheChildHERALD:ASpartanenvoyCHORUSOFOLDMENCHORUSOFOLDWOMENATHENIANAMBASSADORSPARTANAMBASSADORWOMANA:oneofthewivesfollowingLysistrataWOMANB:oneofthewivesfollowingLysistrataWOMANC:oneofthewivesfollowingLysistrataARMEDGUARDS:fourpoliceofficialsattendingontheMagistrateWOMEN:followersofLysistrataRECONCILIATION:agoddessofharmonyATHENIANDELEGATESSPARTANDELEGATESSLAVESANDATTENDANTS[TheactionoftheplaytakesplaceinastreetinAthens,withthecitadelontheAcropolisintheback,itsdoorsfacingtheaudience]LYSISTRATAIfthey'dcalledaBacchiccelebrationorsomefestivalforPanorColiasorforGenetyllis,you'dnotbeabletomovearoundthroughallthekettledrums.Butasitis,therearenowomenhere.[Caloniceenters,comingtomeetLysistrata]LYSISTRATA4Ah,here'smyneighbour - atleastshe'scome.1Hello,Calonice.CALONICEHello,Lysistrata.What'sbotheringyou,child?Don'tlooksoannoyed.Itdoesn'tsuityou.Youreyesgetwrinkled.LYSISTRATAMyheart'sonfire,Calonice - I'msoangry10atmarriedwomen,atus,because,[10]althoughmensaywe'redeviouscharacters...CALONICE[interrupting]Becausebygodweare!LYSISTRATA[continuing]...whenIcallthemalltomeetheretodiscusssomeseriousbusiness,theyjuststayinbedanddon'tshowup.CALONICEAh,mydear,they'llcome.It'snotsoeasyforwivestogetaway.We'vegottofussaboutourhusbands,wakeuptheservants,calmandwashthebabies,thengivethemfood.LYSISTRATAButthereareotherthingstheyneedtodo - 20[20]moreimportantissues.CALONICEMydearLysistrata,whyhaveyouaskedthewomentomeethere?What'sgoingon?Isitsomethingbig?LYSISTRATAIt'shuge. 1Lysistrataiscomplainingthatifthecityhadcalledamajorfestivalallthewomenwouldbeinthestreetsenjoyingthemselves.Butnoneofthem,itseems,hasansweredherinvitationtoameeting-aswefindoutafewlinesfurtheron).
LYSISTRATA5CALONICEAndhardaswell?LYSISTRATAYes,bygod,reallyhard.CALONICEThenwhyaren'tweallhere?LYSISTRATAIdon'tmeanthat!Ifthatwereit,they'dallbechargingheresofast.No.It'ssomethingI'vebeenplayingwith - wrestlingwithformanysleeplessnights.CALONICEIfyou'vebeenworkingitlikethat,bynowitmusthaveshrivelledup.LYSISTRATAYes,soshrivelledup30thatthesalvationofthewholeofGreece[30]isnowinwomen'shands.CALONICEInwomen'shands?Thenitwon'tbelongbeforewedonefor.LYSISTRATAIt'suptoustorunthestate'saffairs - theSpartanswouldnolongerbearound.CALONICEIftheyweren'tthere,bygod,notanymore,thatwouldbegoodnews.LYSISTRATAAndthenifallBoeotiansweretotallydestroyed!LYSISTRATA6CALONICENotallofthem - you'dhavetosavetheeels.1LYSISTRATAAsforAthens,Iwon'tsayanythingasbadasthat.40YoucanimaginewhatI'dsay.Butnow,ifonlyallthewomenwouldcomeherefromSpartaandBoeotia,joinupwithus,[40]ifweworkedtogether,we'dsaveGreece.CALONICEButwhatsensibleorsplendidactcouldwomendo?Wesitaroundplayingwithourcosmetics,wearinggoldenclothes,posinginCimmeriansilksandslippers.LYSISTRATAThosearetheverythingswhichIassumewillsaveus - shortdresses,perfumes,slippers,50makeup,andclothingmencanseethrough.CALONICEHow'sthatgoingtowork?LYSISTRATANomanlivingwilllifthisspearagainstanotherman...[50]CALONICE[interrupting]Bythetwogoddesses,Imusttakemydressanddyeityellow.2LYSISTRATA[continuing]...orpickupashield... 1AtthetimeLysistratawasfirstproduced,theAtheniansandSpartanshadbeenfightingformanyyears.TheBoeotianswerealliesoftheSpartans.Boeotiawasfamousforitseels,con-sideredaluxuryiteminAthens.2Thetwogo ddessesareD emeterandherdaughterPersephone.TheAtheni anwomenfrequentlyinvokethem.
LYSISTRATA7CALONICE[interruptingagain]I'llhavetowearmyverybestsilkdress.LYSISTRATA[continuing]...orpullouthissword.CALONICEIneedtogetsomeshoes.LYSISTRATAOthesewomen,theyshouldbeherebynow!CALONICEYes,bygod!Theyshouldhavesproutedwingsandcomeherehoursago.LYSISTRATAThey'retrueAthenians,60you'llsee - everythingtheyshouldbedoingtheypostponetilllater.Butnoone'scomefromSalamisorthosetownsonthecoast.CALONICE[withanobscenegesture]Iknowthosewomen - theywereupearlyontheirboatsridingthemizzenmast.[60]LYSISTRATAI'dhavebetthosewomenfromAcharniawouldcomeandgetherefirst.Butthey'venotshownup.CALONICEWell,Theogenes'wifewillbehere.Isawherhoistingsailtocome.1Hey,look!Here'sagroupofwomencomingforyou.70Andthere'sanotherone,aswell.Hello!Hellothere!Wheretheyfrom?[Variouswomenstartarrivingfromalldirections]LYSISTRATAThose?FromAnagyrus. 1Theogeneswasawell-knownmerchantandshipowner.LYSISTRATA8CALONICEMygod,itseemswe'rekickingupastink.1[EnterMyrrhine]MYRRHINEHey,Lysistrata,didwegetherelate?What'sthematter?Whyareyousoquiet?LYSISTRATAI'mnotpleasedwithyou,Myrrhine.You'relate.[70]Andthisisseriousbusiness.MYRRHINEItwasdark.Ihadtroubletrackingdownmywaistband.Ifit'ssuchabigdeal,tellthesewomen.LYSISTRATANo,let'swaitawhileuntilthewomen80fromBoeotiaandfromSpartagethere.MYRRHINEAllright.Thatsoundslikethebestidea.Hey,herecomesLampito.[LampitoenterswithsomeotherSpartanwomenandwithIsmenia,awomanfromThebes]LYSISTRATAHelloLampito,mydearfriendfromSparta.Howbeautifulyoulook,sosweet,suchafinecomplexion.[80]Andyourbodylookssofit,strongenoughtochokeabull.LAMPITO2Yes,bythetwogods, 1CaloniceismakinganobscurejokeonthenameAnagyrus,apoliticaldistrictnamedafterabad-smellingplant.2InAristophanes'text,LampitoandotherSpartansuseaparodyofaSpartandialect,astyleofspeaking significantlydi fferentfrom-althoughrelated to)AthenianGreek. Translatorshavedealtwiththisindifferentways,usuallybygivingtheSpartansarecognizableEnglish[Footnotecontinues]
LYSISTRATA9Icouldpullthatoff.1Idoexerciseandworkouttokeepmybumwelltoned.CALONICE[fondlingLampito'sbosom]Whatanamazingpairofbreastsyou'vegot!90LAMPITOO,youstrokemelikeI'masacrifice.LYSISTRATA[lookingatIsmenia]Andthisyoungwoman - where'sshefrom?[90]LAMPITOBythetwingods,she'sanambassador - she'sfromBoeotia.MYRRHINE[lookingdownIsmenia'selegantclothes]Ofcourse,fromBoeotia.She'sgotabeautifullowlandregion.CALONICE[peeringdownIsmenia'srobetoseeherpubichair]Yes.Bygod,shekeepsthatterritoryelegantlygroomed.LYSISTRATAWho'stheothergirl?LAMPITOAnoblegirl,bythetwogods,fromCorinth. dialect,forexample ,fromtheSouthernSt atesorScot land,orEnglishwithaforeig naccent.ThedifferencebetweentheSpartans'speechandthelanguageoftheothersreflectsthepoliticalantagonismbetweentheAtheniansandSpartans.HereIhavenottriedtofollowthistrend.Mymainreasonsfordoingsoare-inbrief)that,first,somedialectsareinplacesincomprehensibletosomereadersorhavebeenmadeirrelevant-e.g.,JackLindsay'sScottishlanguageintheBantameditionofAristophanesortheerraticRussianEnglishofthePerseustranslation)and,second,Iwishtoleavethechoiceofdialectoraccentuptotheimaginationoftheread ersort hedirectorsofstagepr oductions -whomi ghtliketoexperimentwithdialectswhichwillconnectwiththeirparticularaudiencesmoreimmediatelythananyoneImightselect).1Spartanscommonlyinvoketh edivinetwinsCas torandPoll ux,brothers ofHelenandClytaemnestra.LYSISTRATA10CALONICE[inspectingthegirl'sbosomandbuttocks]Areallynoblegirl,byZeus - it'sclearshe'sgotgoodlinesrighthere,backhereaswell.100LAMPITOAllright,who'stheonewhocalledthemeetingandbroughtthisbunchofwomenhere?LYSISTRATAIdid.LAMPITOThenlayoutwhatitisyouwantfromus.MYRRHINEComeon,dearlady,telluswhat'sgoingon,what'ssoimportanttoyou.LYSISTRATAInaminute.BeforeIsayit,I'mgoingtoaskyouonesmallquestion.CALONICEAskwhateveryouwant.LYSISTRATADon'tyoumissthefathersofyourchildrenwhentheygoofftowar?Iunderstand[100]youallhavehusbandsfarawayfromhome.110CALONICEMydear,it'sfivefullmonthsmyman'sbeengone - offinThracetakingcareofEucrates.MYRRHINEAndmine'sbeenoffinPylossevenwholemonths.1 1Thracewasa region tothenorthofGreece, alo ngwayfro mAthens.EucrateswasanAtheniancommanderintheregion.PyloswasasmallareainthesouthPeloponnesewhichtheAthenianshadcapturedandoccupiedforanumberofyears.
LYSISTRATA11LAMPITOAndmine - assoonashegetshomefromwarhegrabshisshieldandbuggersoffagain.LYSISTRATAAsforoldflamesandlovers - they'renoneleft.AndsinceMilesianswentagainstus,I'venotseenadecenteight-inchdildo.Yes,it'sjustleather,butithelpsusout.1[110]Sowouldyoubewilling,ifIfoundaway,120toworkwithmetomakethisfightingend?MYRRHINEBythetwingoddesses,yes.EvenifinjustonedayIhadtopawnthisdressanddrainmypurse.CALONICEMetoo - theycouldslicemeuplikeaflatfish,thenuseonehalfofmetogetapeace.LAMPITOI'dclimbuptothetopofTaygetustogetaglimpseofpeace.2LYSISTRATAAllrightI'lltellyou.Noneedtokeepquietaboutmyplan.Now,ladies,ifwewant[120]toforcethementohaveapeace,wellthen,130wemustgiveup...MYRRHINE[interrupting]Giveupwhat?Tellus!LYSISTRATAThen,willyoudoit? 1Miletushadrebelleda gainstAthe nsinthepreviousyear.Th atcitywasassociated withsexualityand-inthiscase)themanufactureofsexualtoys.2TaygetuswasahighmountaininthePeloponnese.LYSISTRATA12MYRRHINEOfcourse,we'lldoit,evenifwehavetodie.LYSISTRATAAllrightthen - wehavetogiveupallmalepenises.[Thewomenreactwithgeneralconsternation]Whydoyouturnaway?Whereareyougoing?Howcomeyoubiteyourlipsandshakeyourheads?Andwhysopale?Howcomeyou'recryinglikethat?Willyoudoitornot?Whatwillitbe?MYRRHINEIwon'tdoit.Soletthewardragon.CALONICEIwon'teither.Thewarcankeepongoing.140[130]LYSISTRATAHowcanyousaythat,youflatfish?Justnowyousaidtheycouldsliceyouintohalves.CALONICEAskwhatyoulike,butnotthat!IfIhadto,I'dbewillingtowalkthroughfire - soonerthatthangiveupscrewing.There'snothinglikeit,dearLysistrata.LYSISTRATAAndwhataboutyou?MYRRHINEI'dchoosethefire,too.LYSISTRATAWhatadebasedracewewomenare!It'snowondermenwritetragediesaboutus.We'regoodfornothingbutscrewingPoseidoninthebathtub.150ButmySpartanfriend,ifyouwerewilling,[140]justyouandme,westillcouldpullitoff.Sohelpmeout.
LYSISTRATA13LAMPITOBythetwingods,it'shardforwomentosleepallbythemselveswithoutathrobbingcock.Butwemusttry.We'vegottohaveapeace.LYSISTRATAOyou'reatruefriend!Theonlyrealwomaninthisbunch.CALONICEIfwereallydogiveupwhatyousay - Ihopeitneverhappens! - woulddoingthatmakepeacemorelikely?LYSISTRATABythetwogoddesses,yes,160muchmorelikely.IfwesitaroundathomewithallourmakeuponandinthosegownsmadeofAmorgossilk,nakedunderneath,[150]withourcrotchesneatlyplucked,ourhusbandswillgethardandwanttoscrew.Butthen,ifwestayawayandwon'tcomenearthem,they'llmakepeacesoonenough.I'msureofit.LAMPITOYes,justliketheysay - whenMenelaussawHelen'snakedtits,hedroppedhissword.1CALONICEButmyfriend,whatifourmenignoreus?170LYSISTRATAWellthen,inthewordsofPherecrates,you'llfindanotherwaytoskinthedog.2 1Inafamousstory,MenelauswentstormingthroughTroylookingforhiswife,Helen,inordertokillher.Butwhenhefoundher,hewassoovercomebyherbeautythatherelentedandtookherbackhometoSparta.2PherecrateswasanAtheniancomicdramatist.Thelinemaybeaquotationfromoneofhisplays.LYSISTRATA14CALONICEButfakepenisesaren'tanyuseatall.Whatiftheygrabusandhaulusbyforce[160]intothebedroom.LYSISTRATAJustgrabthedoorpost.CALONICEAndiftheybeatus?LYSISTRATAThenyoumustsubmit - butdoitgrudgingly,don'tcooperate.There'snoenjoymentforthemwhentheyjustforceitin.Besides,thereareotherwaystomakethemsuffer.They'llsoonsurrender.180Nohusbandeverhadahappylifeifhedidnotgetonwellwithhiswife.CALONICEWell,ifyoutwothinkit'sgood,wedo,too.LAMPITOI'msurewecanpersuadeourmentoworkforajustpeaceineverything,notricks.ButhowwillyouconvincetheAthenianmob?[170]They'remadforwar.LYSISTRATAThat'snotyourworry.We'llwinthemover.LAMPITOIdon'tthinkso - notwhiletheyhavetriremesundersailandthathugetreasurestashedaway190whereyourgoddessmakesherhome.1LYSISTRATAButthat'sallbeenwelltakencareof. 1ThefinancialreservesoftheAthenianstatewerestoredintheAcropolis.
LYSISTRATA15Todaywe'llcapturetheAcropolis.Theoldwomenhavebeenassignedthetask.Whilewesithereplanningallthedetails,they'llpretendthey'regoingtheretosacrificeandseizetheplace.LAMPITOYou'vegotitallworkedout.[180]Whatyousaysoundsgood.LYSISTRATAAllrightLampito,let'sswearanoathasquicklyaswecan.Thatwaywe'llbeunited.LAMPITORecitetheoath.200Thenwe'llallsweartoit.LYSISTRATAThat'sgoodadvice.Where'sthatgirlfromScythia?[TheScythianslavestepsforward.Sheisholdingasmallshield]Whystarelikethat?Putdownyourshield,thehollowpartontop.Now,someonegetmeavictim'sinnards.CALONICELysistrata,whatsortofoathisthiswe'regoingtoswear?LYSISTRATAWhatsortofoath?Oneonashield,justliketheydidbacktheninAeschylus'play - withslaughteredsheep.CALONICEYoucan't,Lysistrata,notonashield,youcan'tswearanoathforpeaceonthat210[190]LYSISTRATAWhatshouldtheoathbe,then?LYSISTRATA16CALONICELet'sgetastallion,awhiteone,andthenofferupitsguts!LYSISTRATAWhyawhitehorse?CALONICEThenhowwillwemakeouroath?LYSISTRATAI'lltellyou,bygod,ifyouwanttohear.Putalargedarkbowldownontheground,thensacrificeajugofThasianwine,andswearwe'llneverpourinwater.LAMPITONow,ifyouaskme,that'sasuperoath!LYSISTRATASomeonegetthebowlandajugofwine.[TheScythiangirlgoesbackinthehouseandreturnswithabowlandajugofwine.Calonicetakesthebowl]CALONICELook,dearladies,atthissplendidbowl.220[200]Justtouchingthisgivesinstantpleasure.LYSISTRATAPutitdown.Nowjoinmeandplaceyourhandsonoursacrificialvictim.[Thewomengatheraroundthebowlandlaytheirhandsonthewinejug.Lysistratastartstheritualprayer]Oyou,GoddessofPersuasionandthebowlwhichwesolove,acceptthissacrifice,awomen'soffering,andbekindtous.[Lysistrataopensthewinejugandletsthewinepouroutintothebowl]CALONICESuchhealthybloodspurtsoutsobeautifully!
LYSISTRATA17LAMPITOByCastor,that'samightypleasantsmell.MYRRHINELadies,letmebethefirsttosweartheoath.CALONICENo,byAphrodite,no - notunless230yourlotisdrawn.LYSISTRATA[holdsupabowlfullofwine]Grabthebrim,Lampito,youandalltheothers.Someonerepeat[210]foralltherestofyouthewordsIsay - thatwayyou'llpledgeyourfirmallegiance:Noman,nohusbandandnolover...CALONICE[takingtheoath]Noman,nohusbandandnolover...LYSISTRATA...willgetnearmewithastiffprick...Comeon,sayit!CALONICE...willgetnearmewithastiffprick.OLysistrata,mykneesaregettingweak!LYSISTRATAAthomeI'lllivecompletelywithoutsex...240CALONICEAthomeI'lllivecompletelywithoutsex...LYSISTRATA...wearingsaffronsilks,withlotsofmakeup...CALONICE...wearingsaffronsilks,withlotsofmakeup...[220]LYSISTRATA...tomakemymanashornyasIcan.CALONICE...tomakemymanashornyasIcan.LYSISTRATA18LYSISTRATAIfagainstmywillhetakesmebyforce...CALONICEIfagainstmywillhetakesmebyforce...LYSISTRATA...I'llbealousylay,notmovealimb.CALONICE...I'llbealousylay,notmovealimb.LYSISTRATAI'llnotraisemyslippersuptowardstheroof...250CALONICEI'llnotraisemyslippersuptowardstheroof...[230]LYSISTRATA...norcrouchdownlikealionessonallfours.CALONICE...norcrouchdownlikealionessonallfours.LYSISTRATAIfIdoallthis,thenImaydrinkthiswine.CALONICEIfIdoallthis,thenImaydrinkthiswine.LYSISTRATAIfIfail,maythisglassfillwithwater.CALONICEIfIfail,maythisglassfillwithwater.LYSISTRATADoallyouwomenswearthisoath?ALLWedo.LYSISTRATAAllright.I'llmaketheoffering.[Lysistratadrinkssomeofthewineinthebowl]
LYSISTRATA19CALONICEJustyourshare,mydear,soweallstayfirmfriends.[Asoundofshoutingisheardfromoffstage]LAMPITOWhat'sthatnoise?260[240]LYSISTRATAIt'swhatIsaidjustnow - thewomenhavealreadycapturedtheAcropolis.So,Lampito,youreturntoSparta - dogoodworkamongyourpeoplethere.Leavethesewomenhereashostages.We'llgointhecitadelwiththeothersandhelpthembarricadethedoors.CALONICEDon'tyouthinkthemenwillbandtogetherandmarchagainstus - andquickly,too.LYSISTRATAI'mnotsoworriedaboutthem.They'llcome270carryingtheirtorchesandmakingthreats,butthey'llnotprythesegatesofoursapart,[250]notunlesstheyagreetoourdemands.CALONICEYes,byAphrodite,that'sright.Ifnot,we'llbelabelledweakandgutlesswomen.[Thewomenenterthecitadel.TheChorusofOldMenentersslowly,fortheyarequitedecrepit.Theyarecarryingwoodforafire,glowingcoalstostarttheblaze,andtorchestolight.]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSKeepmoving,Draces,pickupthepace,evenifyourshoulder'stiredluggingallthisheavyfresh-cutolivewood.CHORUSOFOLDMENAlas,somanyunexpectedthingstakeplaceinalonglife.OStrymodorus,280who'deverthinkthey'dhearsuchnewsLYSISTRATA20aboutourwomen - theoneswefed[260]inourownhomesaretrulybad.Thesacredstatueisintheirhands,they'veseizedmyownAcropolisandblockedthedoorswithboltsandbars.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSComeonPhilurgus,let'shurrythereasfastaswecangouptothecity.We'llsettheselogsdowninacircle,stackthemsowekeepthembottledup,290thosewomenwho'vecombinedtodothis.Thenwithourownhandswe'llsetalightasinglefireand,asweallagreedinthevotewetook,we'llburnthemall,beginningfirstwithLycon'swife.1[270]CHORUSOFOLDMENThey'llwon'tbemakingfunofme,byDemeter,notwhileI'mstillalive.ThatmanCleomenes,whowasthefirsttotakeourcitadel,wentbackunharmed.SnortingSpartanpridehewentaway,300oncehe'dhandedmehisweapons,wearingareallytinylittlecloak,hungry,filthy,withhishairyface.He'dgonesixyearswithoutabath.2[280]That'showIfiercelyhemmedhimin,ourmeninranksofseventeenweevensleptbeforethegates.SowiththesefoesofallthegodsandofEuripides,aswell,willInotchecktheirinsolence?310 1Lycon'swifewasawomaninAthensfamousforherpromiscuity.2Cleomenes,akingofSparta,oncecamewithasmallarmytoAthens-in508)tohelptheoligarchparty.HehadaveryhostilereceptionandtookrefugeintheAcropolis,wherehestayedundersiegefortwodays.AtrucewasarrangedandtheSpartansleftpeacefully.
LYSISTRATA21IfIdonot,thenletmytrophiesalldisappearfromMarathon.1TherestofthejourneyIhavetomakeisuphilltotheAcropolis.Wemustmovefast,buthowdowehaulthiswooduptherewithoutadonkey?Thispairoflogsmakesmyshoulderssore.Butstillwe'vegottosoldierongivingourfireairtobreathe.ItmaygooutwhenI'mnotlooking320justasIreachmyjourney'send.[Theyblowonthecoalstokeepthemalight.Thesmokecomesblowingupintheirfaces.TheOldMenfallback,coughingandrubbingtheireyes]Othesmoke!LordHercules,howsavagelyitjumpedoutfromthepotrightinmyfaceandbitmyeyeslikearavingbitch.ItworksjustlikeaLemnianfire[300]orelseitwouldn'tuseitsteethtofeedonfluidsinmyeye.Weneedtohurrytothecitadelandsavethegoddess.Ifnotnow,OLaches,whenshouldwehelpherout?2330[Themenblowonthecoalsandareagainoverpoweredbythesmoke]Damnandblastthissmoke!LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSThankstothegods,thefire'supagain - alivelyflame.Sowhatif,firstofall, 1EuripideswasayoungercontemporaryofAristophanes.MarathonwasthesiteofthegreatGreekvictoryoverthePersian expeditionaryforces in490BC,ahighpointofAthenianmilitaryachievement.2ThereferencetoLemnianfireisnotclear.TheislandofLemnosperhapshadsomevolcanicactivity,orelsethereferenceistothewomenofLemnoswhokilledalltheirhusbands.ThereisapunontheGreekwordforLemnosandthewordinthesamespeechreferringtomaterialintheeye.LYSISTRATA22weplacedourfirewoodrightdownhere,thenputavinebranchinthepot,setitalight,andchargedthedoorlikeabatteringram?We'llorderwomentoremovethebars,[310]and,iftheyrefuse,we'llburndownthedoors.We'lloverpowerthemwiththesmoke.Allright,putdownyourloads.[Themensetdowntheirlogs.Onceagainthesmokeistoomuchforthem]Thisbloodysmoke!340IsthereanygeneralherefromSamoswho'llhelpuswiththiswood?1[Hesetsdownhisloadofwood]Ah,that'sbetter.They'renotshrinkingmyspineanymore.Allright,pot,it'snowyourjobtoarouseafirefromthosecoals,sofirstofall,I'llhavealightedtorchandleadthecharge.OladyVictory,standwithushere,sowecansetourtrophyupinthere,defeatthosewomeninourcitadelputdownthispresentinsolenceoftheirs.350[TheOldMenstacktheirlogsinapileandstartlightingtheirtorchesonthecoals.TheChorusofOldWomenenters,carryingpitchersofwater]LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSLadies,IthinkIseesomeflamesandsmoke,asifafirewasburning.We'dbetterhurry.[320]CHORUSOFOLDWOMENWehavetofly,Nicodice,flybeforeCrityllaisburnedupandCalyce,too,bynastywindsandoldmenkeentowipethemout.ButI'mafraidI'llbetoolate 1SamoswasanimportantislandnearAthens.AnumberofthegeneralsofAthenianforcescamefromthere.
LYSISTRATA23tohelpthemout.I'veonlyjustfilledupmypitcherinthedark.Itwasnoteasy - atthewell360theplacewasjammedandnoisytoowithclatteringpots,pushyservants,andtattooedslaves.ButIwaskeentocarrywatertothesefirestohelpmycountry'swomen.I'veheardsomedimanddulloldmenarecreepinghereandcarryinglogs - agreatbigload - toourfortress,asiftowarmourpublicbaths.They'remutteringthemostawfulthings370howwiththeirfiretheyneedtoturn[340]thesehatefulwomenintoash.But,goddess,mayIneverseethemburnedlikethat - butwitnesshowtheyrescuecities,allofGreece,fromwarandthisinsanity.That'swhy,golden-crestedgoddesswhoguardsourcity,thesewomennowhaveoccupiedyourshrine.OTritogeneia,Isummonyou380tobemyally - ifanymansetsthemonfire,helpusoutaswecarrythiswaterup.1[TheOldMenhavelittheirtorchesandareabouttomoveagainsttheAcropolis.TheOldWomenareblockingtheirway]LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSHoldon,ladies.WhatthisIsee?Men - [350]dirtyoldmen - hardatwork.Honesttypes,useful,god-fearingmen,couldneverdothethingsyoudo. 1Sommersteinobserves-p.171)thattheepithetTritogeneia-"Tritoborn")referstoAthena'sbirthbesidetheRiverTritonorLakeTritonisinNorthAfrica.LYSISTRATA24LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSWhat'shappeninghereissomethingwedidnotexpecttosee - aswarmofwomenstandingherelikethistoguardthedoors.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSSoyou'reafraidofus?390Doesitlooklikethere'sahugecrowdofus?You'reseeingjustafractionofoursize - therearethousandsmore.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSHeythere,Phaedrias!Shallwestophernatteringonlikethis?Someonehither,smackherwithalog.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSLet'sputourwaterjugsdownontheground,incasetheywanttolaytheirhandsonus.Downtheretheywon'tgetinourway.[TheOldWomensetdowntheirwaterjugs]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSBygod,someoneshouldhitthemonthejaw,[360]twoorthreetimes,andthen,likeBoupalus,400they'llwon'thaveanythingmuchmoretosay.1LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSComeonthen - strikeme.I'mhere,waiting.Nootherbitchwillevergrabyourballs.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSShutup,orIhityou - snuffoutyouroldage.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSTrycomingupandtouchingStratylliswithyourfingertips! 1BoupaluswasasculptorfromChios.
LYSISTRATA25LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSWhatifIthrashedyouwithmyfists?Wouldyoudosomethingnasty?LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSWithmyteethI'llripoutyourlungsandguts!LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSEuripidesissuchacleverpoet - themanwhosaysthere'snowildanimal410moreshamelessthanawoman.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSComeonthen,Rhodippe,let'spickupourwaterjugs.[370][TheOldWomenpickuptheirwaterjugsagain]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSWhyhaveyoudamnedwomenevencomeherecarryingthiswater?LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSAndwhyareyoubringingfire,youoldcorpse?Doyouintendtosetyourselfonfire?LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSMe?Tostartablazeandroastyourfriends.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSI'mheretodouseyourfire.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSYou'llputoutmyfire?LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSYesIwill.You'llsee.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUS[wavinghistorch]Idon'tknowwhyI'mnotjustdoingit,fryingyouinthisflame.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSGetyourselfsomesoap.420I'mgivingyouabath.LYSISTRATA26LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSYou'llwashme,youoldwrinkledprune?LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSYes,itwillbejustlikeyourweddingnight.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSListentoher!She'sanervybitch!LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSI'mafreewoman.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSI'llmakeyoushutup!LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSYoudon'tjudgethesethings.[380]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSSetherhaironfire!LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSGettowork,Achelous.1[ShethrowsherjarofwaterovertheLeaderoftheMen'sChorus,and,followingtheleader'sexample,thewomenthrowwaterallovertheoldmen]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSO,that'sbad!LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSWasthathotenough?[Thewomencontinuetothrowwaterontheoldmen]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSHotenough?Won'tyoustopdoingthat?Whatareyoudoing? 1TheAchelouswasalargewell-knownriverandrivergodinnorthernGreece.
LYSISTRATA27LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSI'mwateringyoutomakeyoubloom.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSI'mtoooldandwithered.I'mshaking.430LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSWell,you'vegotyourfire.Warmyourselvesup.[AMagistrateenterswithanarmedescortoffourpublicguardsandslaveswithcrowbarsandsomeattendantsoldiers]MAGISTRATEHasnotourwomen'slewdnessshownitselfinhowtheybeattheirdrumsforSabazius,thatgodofexcess,orontheirrooftopsshedtearsforAdonis?That'swhatIheard[390]onetimeinourassembly.Demostrates - whatastupidmanheis - wasarguingthatweshouldsailtoSicily.Meanwhile,hiswifewasdancingroundandscreamingout"Alas,Adonis!"WhileDemostratestalked,440sayingweshouldlevysoldiersfromZacynthus,thewomanwasontherooftop,gettingdrunkandyellingout"WeepforAdonis!Weep."1Buthekeptonforcinghisopinionthrough,thatmadbrutalox,whomthegodsdespise.That'sjustthekindofloosedegeneratestuffthatcomesfromwomen.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSWaituntilItellyoutheinsolentthingsthesewomendidtous - alltheirabuse - theydumpedtheirwaterjugs[400]onus.Sonowwehavetodryourclothes.450Welookasifwe'vepissedourselves. 1Sabaziuswasapopularforeigngodassociatedwithdrinking-likeDionysus).AdoniswasayouthlovedbyAphrodite.Afestivalwascelebratedeachyearinhismemory.DemostrateswasapoliticianpromotingthedisastrousAthenianmilitaryexpeditiontoSicily.Zacynthus,anislandoffthePeloponnese,wasanallyofAthens.LYSISTRATA28MAGISTRATEByPoseidon,godofthesaltseas,itservesyouright.Wemenourselvesshareintheblameforthis.Weteachourwivestheirfreeandeasylife,andsointriguescomefloweringoutfromthem.Here'swhatwetellsomeworkingartisan,"Ogoldsmith,aboutthatnecklaceIboughthere - lastnightmywifewasdancingandthebolt[410]slippedfromitshole.IhavetotakeaboattoSalamis.Ifyou'vegottimetonight,460youcouldvisitherwiththattoolofyoursandfixthewaytheboltsitsinherhole."Anothermangoestotheshoemaker,astrappingladwithanenormousprick,andsays,"Oshoemaker,asandalstrapispinchingmywife'stenderlittletoe.Couldyoucomeatnoonandrubherstrap,stretchitreallywide?"That'sthesortofthing[420]thatleadstoallthistrouble.Lookatme,amagistrateinchargeoffindingoars470andthusinneedofmoneynow - thesewomenhaveshutthetreasurydoorstokeepmeout.Butstandinghere'snouse.[Hecallsouttohistwoslaves]Bringthecrowbars.I'llstopthesewomen'sinsolencemyself.[Heturnstothearmedguardshehasbroughtwithhim]Whatareyougapingat,youidiot!Andyou - whatareyoulookingat?Whyareyoudoingnothing - juststaringroundlookingforatavern?Takethesecrowbarstothedoorsthere,andthenprythemopen.Come,I'llworktoforcethemwithyou.480LYSISTRATA[openingthedoorsandwalkingout]Noneedtousethosecrowbars.I'mcomingout - [430]andofmyownfreewill.Whythesecrowbars?Thiscallsforbrainsandcommonsense,notforce.
LYSISTRATA29MAGISTRATEIsthatso,youslut?Where'sthatofficer?Seizethatwoman!Tieherhands!LYSISTRATAByArtemis,hemaybeapublicservant,butifhelaysafingeronme,he'llbesorry.MAGISTRATE[tothefirstarmedguard]Areyouscaredofher?Grabherroundthewaist!Youthere,helphimout!Andtieherup!OLDWOMANA1ByPandrosus,ifyouliftahandtoher,490I'llbeatyouuntilyoushityourself![440][Thearmedguardissoterrifiedheshits]MAGISTRATELookatthemessyoumade!Whereishe,thatotherofficer?[TheMagistrateturnstoathirdarmedofficer]Tieupthisonefirst,theonewho'sgotsuchadirtymouth.OLDWOMANBBythegodoflight,ifyoujusttouchher,you'llquicklyneedacuptofixyoureyes.2[Thisofficershitshispantsandrunsoff.TheMagistrateturnstoafourthofficer]MAGISTRATEWho'sthishere?Arresther!I'llputastoptoallwomeninthisdemonstration! 1InmodernproductionstheoldwomenwhospeakinthissceneeithercomeoutofthegatestotheAcropolisoraremembersoftheChorus.Alternativelythespeechescouldbeassignedtothecharacterswehavemetearlier-MyrrhineandCalonice),whohaveemergedfromtheAcropolisbehindLysistrata.2Blackeyesweretreatedwithasmallcupplacedovertheeyetoreducetheswelling.LYSISTRATA30OLDWOMENCBybull-bashingArtemis,ifyoumovetotouchher,I'llripoutallyourhair500untilyouyelpinpain.[Thefourthofficershitshimselfandrunsoffinterror]MAGISTRATEThisisgettingbad.There'renoofficersleft.Wecan'tletourselves[450]bebeatenbackbywomen.Comeonthen,youScythians,formupyourranks.1Thencharge.Goatthem!LYSISTRATABythetwogoddesses,you'llsee - we'vegotfourcompaniesofwomeninside,allfightingfitandfullyarmed.MAGISTRATEComeon,Scythians,twisttheirarmsbehindthem!LYSISTRATA[shoutingbehindher]Comeoutherefromwhereyouareinthere,allyoufemaleallies,onthedouble - 510youmarketwomenwhosellgrainandeggs,garlicandvegetables,andthosewhorunourbakeriesandtaverns,totheattack![ManywomenemergefromtheAcropolis,armedinvariousways]Hitthem,stomponthem,scratchtheireyeballs,smotherthemwithyourabuse!Don'tholdback![460][AgeneraltumultoccursinwhichthewomenbeatbacktheScythianguards]LYSISTRATAThat'senough!Backoff!Don'tstripthearmourfromthoseyouhavedefeated. 1ThearmedguardsaccompanyingtheMagistratearetraditionallyScythianarchers.
LYSISTRATA31[ThearmedwomenreturnintotheAcropolis]MAGISTRATEDisaster!Myguardshaveactedquitedisgracefully.LYSISTRATAWhatdidyouexpect?Didyoureallythinkyouwerefacingabunchoffemaleslaves?520Orisityourbeliefthatmerewomenhavenospiritinthem?MAGISTRATESpirit?ByApollo,yes!Ifthey'renearanymanwho'sgotsomewine.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSInthislandyou'reamagistrate,buthereyourwordsareuseless.Whyeventrytohaveaconversationwiththesebitches?Don'tyouknowthey'vejustgivenusabathinourowncloaks?Andtheydidnotusesoap![470]LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSListen,friend.Youshouldneverraiseyourhandagainstyourneighbour.Ifyoudo,thenI530willhavetopunchyouintheeye.I'dprefertositquietlyathome,likeayounggirl,andnotcomeheretoinjureanyoneoragitatethenest,unlesssomeonedisturbsthehiveandmakesmeangry.CHORUSOFOLDMENOZeus,howeverwillwefindawaytodealwiththesewildbeasts?What'sgoingonisnolongersomethingwecanbear.Butwemustquestionthemandfindoutwhytheyaresoangrywithus,whytheywish540[480]toseizethecitadelofCranaus,LYSISTRATA32theholygroundwherepeopledonotgo,onthegreatrockoftheAcropolis.1LEADEROFTHEMEN'SCHORUS[toMagistrate]Soaskher.Don'tletthemwinyouover.Challengeeverythingtheysay.Ifweleftthismatterwithoutseekingoutthecause,thatwouldbedisgraceful.MAGISTRATE[turningtoLysistrata]Wellthen,bygod,firstofallI'dliketoknowthereasonwhyyouplannedtousethesebarriersheretobarricadeourcitadel.LYSISTRATATogetyourmoney550soyoucouldn'tkeeponpayingforwar.MAGISTRATEIsitmoneythat'sthecauseofwar?LYSISTRATAYes,andalltherestofthecorruption.Peisanderandourleadingpoliticians[490]needachancetosteal.That'sthereasonthey'realwaysstirringupdisturbances.2Well,lettheoneswhowishtodothisdowhattheywant,butfromthismomentonthey'llgetnomoremoney.MAGISTRATEWhatwillyoudo?LYSISTRATAYouaskmethat?We'llcontrolit. 1CranauswasalegendarykingofAthens.HiscitadelistheAcropolis.2PeisanderwasaleadingAthe nianpolitician ,suspe ctedoffavouringthewarf orselfishreasons.
LYSISTRATA33MAGISTRATEYoumean560you'regoingtomanageallthemoney?LYSISTRATAYouconsiderthatsostrange?Isn'tittruewetakecareofallthehouseholdmoney?MAGISTRATEThat'snotthesame.LYSISTRATAWhynot?MAGISTRATEWeneedthecashtocarryonthewar.LYSISTRATAWell,firstofall,thereshouldbenofighting.MAGISTRATEButwithoutwarhowwillwesaveourselves?LYSISTRATAWe'lldothat.MAGISTRATEYou?LYSISTRATAThat'sright - us.MAGISTRATEThisisoutrageous!LYSISTRATAWe'llsaveyou,evenifthatgoesagainstyourwishes.MAGISTRATEWhatyou'resayingismadness!LYSISTRATA34LYSISTRATAYou'reangry,570butnonethelesswehavetodoit.MAGISTRATEByDemeter,thisisagainstthelaw![500]LYSISTRATAMydearfellow,wehavetorescueyou.MAGISTRATEAndifIdon'tagree?LYSISTRATAThenourreasonsarethatmuchmorepersuasive.MAGISTRATEIsittrueyou'rereallygoingtodealwithpeaceandwar?LYSISTRATAWe'regoingtospeaktothat.MAGISTRATE[withathreateninggesture]Thenspeakfast,orelseyoumaywellstarttocry.LYSISTRATAThenlisten - andtrytokeepyourfistscontrolled.MAGISTRATEIcan't.It'shardformetoholdbackmytemper.580LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSIt'smorelikelyyou'retheonewho'llweep.MAGISTRATEShutupyourcroaking,youoldbag.[ToLysistrata]You - talktome.LYSISTRATAI'lldothat.Uptonowthroughthislongwar
LYSISTRATA35wekeptsilentaboutallthosethingsyoumenweredoing.Wewerebeingmodest.Andyoudidnotallowustospeakup,althoughwewerenothappy.Butstill,welistenedfaithfullytoyou,andoften[510]insidethehouseweheardyourwretchedplansforsomegreatdeed.Andifweachedinside,590we'dforceasmileandsimplyask,"Todayintheassemblydidthemenproposeatreatycarvedinstonedecreeingpeace?"Butourhusbandssaid,"Isthatyourbusiness?Whydon'tyoushutup?"AndI'dstaysilent.OLDWOMANI'dnothavekeptmymouthshut.MAGISTRATE[toLysistrata]You'dhavebeensmackedifyouhadnotbeenquietandheldyourtongue.LYSISTRATASothereIamathome,sayingnothing.Thenyou'dtellusofanotherproject,evenstupiderthanbefore.We'dsay,600"Howcanyoucarryoutaschemelikethat?It'sfoolish."Immediatelyhe'dfrownandsaytome,"Ifyoudon'tspinyourthread,you'llgetamajorbeatingonyourhead.[520]Warismen'sconcern."MAGISTRATEYes,bygod!Thatmanspokethetruth.LYSISTRATAYouidiot!Isthatsensible - nottotakeadvicewhenwhatyou'reproposingissosilly?Thenweheardyouspeakinginthestreets,askingopenly,"Arethereanymen610stilllefthereinourland?"andsomeonesaid,"Bygod,there'snoone."Wellthen,afterthatitseemedtouswehadtorescueGreeceLYSISTRATA36bybringingwivesintoasinglegroupwithonesharedaim.Whyshouldwedelay?Ifyou'dliketohearusgivesomegoodadvice,thenstarttolisten,keepyourmouthsquiteshut,thewaywedid.We'llsaveyoufromyourselves.MAGISTRATEYou'llsaveus?Whatyou'resayingismadness.I'mnotgoingtoputupwithit!LYSISTRATAShutup!620MAGISTRATEShouldIshutupforyou,youwitch,someone[530]withascarfaroundherhead?I'dsoonerdie!LYSISTRATAIfthisscarfofminereallybothersyou,takeitandwrapitroundyourhead.Here - [LysistratatakesoffherscarfandwrapsitovertheMagistrate'shead.]Nowkeepquiet!OLDWOMANAAndtakethisbasket,too!LYSISTRATANowputonawaistband,comboutwool,andchewsomebeans.Thisbusinessofthewarwewomenwilltakecareof.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSComeon,women,getupandleavethosejars.It'sourturnnow[540]tojointogetherwithourfriends.630WOMEN'SCHORUSWithdancingI'llnevertire - wearinesswon'tgripmykneesorwearmeout.IneverythingI'llstrivetomatchtheexcellenceofthesewomenhere - innature,wisdom,boldness,charm,
LYSISTRATA37andprudentvirtueinthewaytheylovetheircountry.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSYougrandchildrenofthebravestwomen,sprungfromfruitfulstingingnettles,640letyourpassiondriveyouforwardanddon'tholdback,fornowyou'vegotthewindsoffortuneatyourback.[550]LYSISTRATAOAphroditebornonCyprusand,you,sweetpassionateEros,breathesexuallongingonourbreastsandthighsandfillourmenwithtortuousdesireandmaketheirprickserect.Ifso,Ithinkwe'llwinourselvesanameamongtheGreeksasthosewhobroughtanendtowarfare.650MAGISTRATEWhatwillyoudo?LYSISTRATAForastart,we'llstopyoumenhangingaroundthemarketplacearmedwithspearsandactinguplikefools.OLDWOMANAYes,that'sright,byPaphianAphrodite!LYSISTRATARightnowinthemarkettheystrollaroundamongthepotsandvegetables,fullyarmed,likeCorybantes.1MAGISTRATEYes,that'sright - it'swhatbravemenshoulddo. 1CorybantesweredivineattendantsontheforeigngoddessCybele.Theywereassociatedwithecstaticmusicanddancing.LYSISTRATA38LYSISTRATAItlookssosilly - goingofftopurchasetinylittlebirdswhilecarryingaGorgonshield.1[560]OLDWOMANABygod,660Imyselfsawacavalrycommander - hehadlonghairandwasonhorseback - pouringoutsomepuddinghe'djustboughtfromanoldwomanintohishelmet.AnotherThracianwaswavinghisspearandhisshield,aswell,justlikeTereus,andterrifyingthewomansellingfigswhilegobblingdowntheripestonesshehad.2MAGISTRATEAndhowwillyoufindthepowertostopsomanyviolentdisturbances670throughoutourstatesandthenresolvethem?LYSISTRATAVeryeasily.MAGISTRATEButhow?Explainthat.LYSISTRATAIt'slikeabunchofyarn.Whenit'stangled,wetakeitandpassitthroughthespindlebackandforth - that'showwe'llendthewar,ifpeopleletustry,bysendingout[570]ambassadorshereandthere,backandforth.MAGISTRATEYou'reanidiot!Doyoureallythinkyoucanendsuchfearfulactswithspindles,spools,andwool? 1ShieldswithmonstrousGorgon'sheadsdepictedonthemwerecommoninAthens.2TereuswasamythicalkingofThraceandapopularfigurewithAtheniandramatists.
LYSISTRATA39LYSISTRATAIfyouhadanycommonsense,680you'ddealwitheverythingthewaywedowhenwehandleyarn.MAGISTRATEWhatdoesthatmean?Tellme.LYSISTRATAFirstofall,justaswewashthewoolinarinsingtubtoremovethedirt,youhavetolaythecityonabed,beatouttherascals,andthendriveawaythethornsandbreakapartthegroupsofmenwhojoinuptogetherintheirfactionsseekingpublicoffice - pluckouttheirheads.Thenintoacommonbasketofgoodwill690comboutthewool,theentirecompoundmix,includingforeigners,guests,andallies,[580]anyoneusefultothepublicgood.Bundlethemtogether.Asforthosecitieswhicharecoloniesofthisland,bygod,youmustseethat,asfaraswe'reconcerned,eachisaseparateskein.Fromallofthem,takeapieceofwoolandbringithere.Rollthemtogetherintoasinglething.Thenyou'llhavemadeonemightyballofwool,700fromwhichthepublicthenmustweaveitsclothes.MAGISTRATESowomenbeatwoolandrollitinballs!Isn'tthatwonderful?Thatdoesn'tmeantheybearanypartofwhatgoesoninwar.LYSISTRATAYoudamnedfool,ofcourseitdoes - weenduremorethantwiceasmuchasyou.Firstofall,webearchildrenandthensendthemofftoserveassoldiers.LYSISTRATA40MAGISTRATEAllright,bequiet.[590]Don'tremindmeofallthat.LYSISTRATAAndthen,whenweshouldbehavingagoodtime,710enjoyingouryouth,wehavetosleepalonebecauseourmenareinthearmy.Settingusaside,itdistressesmethatyoungunmarriedgirlsaregrowingoldaloneintheirownhomes.MAGISTRATEDon'tmengetold?LYSISTRATABygod,that'snotthesameatall.Formen,evenoldoneswithwhitehair,cancomebackandquicklymarrysomeyounggirl.Forwomentimesoonrunsout.Iftheydon'tseizetheirchance,noonewantstomarrythem - theysitthere720waitingforanoracle.MAGISTRATEButanoldmanwhocanstillgethisprickerect...LYSISTRATA[interrupting]Oyou - whynotlearnyourlessonandjustdie?It'stime.[600]Buyafuneralurn.I'llpreparethedoughforhoneycakes.1Takethiswreath.[LysistratathrowssomewaterovertheMagistrate]OLDWOMANAThisone,too - it'sfromme! 1Ahoneycakewastraditionallypartofthefuneralservice.ItwasgiventomakesurethedeadshadereachedHades.
LYSISTRATA41[OldWomanAthrowsmorewaterontheMagistrate]OLDWOMANBHere,takethisgarland![OldWomanBthrowsmorewaterontheMagistrate]LYSISTRATAWellnow,whatdoyouneed?Whatareyouwaitingfor?Stepaboardtheboat.Charon'scallingyou.You'repreventinghimfromcastingoff.1MAGISTRATEIdon'thavetoputupwiththeseinsults!730I'llgototheothermagistrates,bygod,andshowmyselfexactlyasIam![620][TheMagistrateexitswithhisattendingslaves]LYSISTRATA[callingouttohimasheleaves]Areyoublamingusfornotlayingyououtforburial?Wellthen,onthethirdday,we'llcomeandofferupasacrificeonyourbehalffirstthinginthemorning.[LysistrataandtheoldwomenwithherreturninsidetheAcropolis]LEADEROFTHEMEN'SCHORUSYoumen,nomoresleepingonthejobforanyonebornfree!Let'sstripourselvesforactiononthisissue.Itseemstomethisbusinessstinks - it'slargeandgettinglarger.740[TheOldMenstripdown,takingalmostalltheirclothesoff]CHORUSOFOLDMENAndIespeciallysmelledsomegas - thetyrantruleofHippias.I'veagreatfearthatSpartanmencollectedherewithCleisthenes,havewiththeirtrickerystirredup 1CharonwastheferrymanwhotransportstheshadesofthedeadacrosstheriverintoHades.LYSISTRATA42thesewomen,whomthegodsallhate,toseizethetreasuryandourpay,thefundsIneedtolivemyway.1It'sterriblethesewomenherearethinkingaboutpolitics750andprattlingonaboutbronzespears - they'rewomen! - andmakingpeaceonourbehalfwithSpartantypes,whomIdon'ttrust,notanymorethangapingwolves.Inthisaffair,thosemenareweavingplotsforus,[630]sotheycanbringbacktyranny.Butme,Iwon'tgiveanyground,nottoatyrant.I'llstandguard,fromnowoncarryingasword760insidemymyrtlebough.I'llmarchwithweaponsinthemarketplacewithAristogeitonatmyside.2I'llstandwithhim.Andnowit'stimeIstruckthosehostiletogods'lawandhitthatoldhagonthejaw.[TheOldMenmovetothreatentheOldWomenwiththeirfists]LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSWhenyougetbackhome,yourownmotherwon'tknowwhoyouare.Comeon,oldladies,youfriendsofmine,let'sfirstsetourburdensontheground.WOMEN'SCHORUSAllyoufellowcitizens,770we'llstarttogivethecitygoodadviceandrightly,sinceitraisedussplendidly[640] 1HippiaswasatyrantinAthensfrom528to510.Cleisthenes,anAthenian,wasafavouritetargetofAristophanes,ridiculedasapassivehomosexual.Herethere'sanaccusationthatheissympathetictotheSpartans.Thepaytheoldmenrefertoisadailypaymentofthreeobolsfromthestatetojurymen.2AritogeitonandhisfriendHarmodiusassassinatedthetyrantHipparchus,thebrotherofHippias.ThetwowerecelebratedasheroesofdemocraticAthens.
LYSISTRATA43sowelivedverywell.Atsevenyearsold,Icarriedsacredvessels,andattenIpoundedbarleyforAthena'sshrine.Laterasbear,IshedmyyellowdressfortheritesofBrauronianArtemis.AndonceIwasalovelyfull-growngirl,Iworestringsoffigsaroundmyneckandwasoneofthosewhocarriedbaskets.1780SoIamindebtedtothecity.Whynotpayitbackwithgoodadvice?Iwasbornawoman,butdon'tholdthatagainstmeifIintroduceaplantomakeourpresentsituationbetter.[650]ForImakecontributionstothestate - Igivebirthtomen.Youmiserableoldfarts,youcontributenothing!ThatpileofcashwhichwecollectedfromthePersianWarsyousquandered.Youdon'tpayanytaxes.790What'smore,thewayyouactsostupidlyendangersallofus.Whatdoyousay?Don'tgetmeriledup.I'lltakethisfilthyshoeandsmackyouonerightonthejaw.CHORUSOFOLDMENIsthisnotgettingwaytooinsolent?Ithinkit'sbetterifwepaidthemback.[660]Wehavetofightthisout.Soanyonewho'sgotballsenoughtobeamantakeoffyourclothessowemencansmellthewayweshould - likemen.Weshouldstrip.800It'snotrighttokeepourselveswrappedup.We'retheoneswho'vegotwhitefeet.WemarchedtoLeipsydrionyearsago.2 1TheOldWomenarereferringtomanycityactivitiesandritualsinwhichgirlsofnoblefamiliesplayedimportantroles.Thephrase"poundingbarley"referstomakingcakesforsacrifices.2Leipsydrionwasthesi teofabatt leyearsbefor ewhenthe tyran tHippiasbesiegeda nddefeatedhisopponents.Theoldmen aretrea tingtheev entasifth eyhadbeen[Footnotecontinues] LYSISTRATA44Andnowlet'sstanderectagain,arousedinourwholebodies - shakeoffouroldage.[670][TheOldMentakeofftheirremainingclothes,holduptheirshrivelledphalluses,andthreatenthewomen]Ifoneofusgivesthemtheslightestchancethere'snothingthesewomenwon'tcontinuetryingtoworkon - buildingfightingships,attackingusatsealikeArtemesia.1Iftheyswitchtohorses,Idrawtheline.810Forwomenarethebestatridingbareback - theirshapelyarsesdoalovelyjob.Theydon'tslipoffwhengrindingatagallop.JustlookhowMiconpaintedAmazonsfightingmenonhorsebackhandtohand.2Sowemusttakeapieceofwoodwithholes,[680]andfitayokeonthem,aroundtheirnecks.CHORUSOFOLDWOMENBythetwogoddesses,ifyougetmeroused,I'llletmywildsow'spassionlooseandmakeyouyelltoallthepeopleheretoday820howI'mremovingallyourhair.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSYouladies,let'snotdelay - let'stakeoffallourclothes,sowecansmellawoman'spassionwhenwe'reinaferociousmood.[TheOldWomentakeofftheirclothes]WOMEN'SCHORUSNowletanymanstepoutagainstme - victorious.Thedetailabouttheirwhitefeet,Sommersteinsuggests,referstothosewhowerehostiletoHippiasandthetyrants-hence,loversoffreedom).1ArtemesiawasqueenofHalicarnassusinAsiaMinor.SheledshipsfromhercityaspartofthePersianexpeditionagainstAthensin480andfoughtattheBattleofSalamis.2Miconwasawell-knownAthenianpainter.
LYSISTRATA45hewon'tbeeatinggarlicanymore,[690]andnoblackbeans.Justsaysomethingnasty,I'msoboilingmad,I'lltreatyouthesamewaythebeetledidtheeagle - smashyoureggs.1LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSNotthatIgiveadamnforyou,notwhile830IhaveLampitohere - Ismenia,too,myyoungThebanfriend.Youhavenopower,notevenwithseventimesasmanyvotes.You'resuchamiserableoldman,eventhosewhoareyouneighboursfindyouhateful.JustyesterdayforthefeastofHecate,[700]Iplannedaparty,soIaskedmyneighboursinBoeotiaforoneoftheircompanions,alovelygirl - shewasformychildren - asplendidpotofeels.2Buttheyreplied840theycouldn'tsenditbecauseyou'dpassedanotheroneofyourdecrees.Itdoesn'tseemyou'llstopvotingintheselaws,notbeforesomeonetakesyourleg,carriesyouoffandthrowsyouout.[LysistratacomesoutfromtheAcropolis,lookingveryworriedandangry.TheleaderoftheWomen'sChorusaddressesher]Here'sourgloriousleader,whodoestheplanningforthisenterprise.Whyhaveyoucomehere,outsidethebuilding,andwithsuchasadexpressiononyourface?LYSISTRATAIt'sthewaythesewomenactsobadly,togetherwiththeirfemalehearts,thatmakes850melosemycourageandwalkincircles. 1Thisisareferencetoanoldstoryinwhichthedungbeetlegotitsrevengeagainstaneaglebysmashingitseggs.Theoldwomanobviouslythreatenstheman'stesticlesasshesaysthis.2Hecatewasagoddesswhoseworshipwasassociatedwithbirthandchildren.LYSISTRATA46LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSWhatareyousaying?Whatdoyoumean?[710]LYSISTRATAIt'strue,sotrue.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSWhat'swrong?Youcantellus - we'refriendsofyours.LYSISTRATAI'mashamedtosay,butit'shardtokeepitquiet.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSDon'thidefrommebadnewsaffectingallofus.LYSISTRATA.Allright,I'llkeepitshort - weallwanttogetlaid.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSOZeus!LYSISTRATAWhat'sthepointofcallingZeus?There'snothinghecandoaboutthismess.Ican'tkeepthesewomenfromtheirmen,860notanylonger - they'reallrunningoff.FirstIcaughtoneslippingthroughahole[720]besidetheCaveofPan,thenanothertryingitwitharopeandpulley,athirddesertingonherown,andyesterdaytherewasawomanonagiantbirdintendingtoflydowntothatplacerunbyOrsilochus.1Igrabbedherhair.They'reallinventingreasonstogohome.[Awomancomeoutofthecitadel,tryingtosneakoff] 1Orsilochuswaseitherawellknownseducerorsomeonewhokeptabrothel.
LYSISTRATA47Here'soneofthemonherwayrightnow.870Wheredoyouthinkyou'regoing?WOMANAWhome?Iwanttogetbackhome.InsidethehouseI'vegotboltsofMilesiancloth,andwormsareeatingthem.LYSISTRATAWhatworms?Getbackinthere![730]WOMANAI'llcomebackrightaway,bygod - Ijustneedtospreadthemonthebed.LYSISTRATASpreadthem?Youwon'tbedoingthat.You'renotleaving!WOMANAMywooljustgoestowaste?LYSISTRATAIfthat'swhatittakes.[WomanAtrudgesbackintotheAcropolis.WomanBemerges]WOMANBI'msuchafool,I'veleftmywretchedflaxbackinmyhouseunstripped.LYSISTRATAAnotherone880leavingheretogoandstripherflax!Getbackinside!WOMANBBythegoddessoflight,I'llberightback,onceI'verubbeditsskin.LYSISTRATAYou'llnotrubanything.Ifyoustartthat,[740]someotherwomanwillwanttodothesame.[WomanBreturnsdejectedintothecitadel.WomanCemergesfromthecitadel,lookingverypregnant]LYSISTRATA48WOMANCOsacredEileithia,goddessofbirth,holdbackmylabourpainstillIcanfindaplacewhereI'mpermittedtogivebirth.1LYSISTRATAWhatareyoumoaningabout?WOMANCIt'smytime - I'mgoingtohaveachild!LYSISTRATAButyesterday890youweren'tevenpregnant.WOMANCWell,todayIam.Sendmehome,Lysistrata,andquickly.Ineedamidwife.LYSISTRATA[inspectingWomanC'sclothing]Whatareyousaying?What'sthisyou'vegothere?Itfeelsquiterigid.WOMANCAlittleboy.LYSISTRATANo,byAphrodite,Idon'tthinkso.Itlookslikeyou'vegot[750]somehollowmetalhere.I'llhavealook.[Lysistratalooksunderthewoman'sdressandpullsoutahelmet]Yousillycreature,you'vegotahelmetthere,Athena'ssacredhelmet.Didn'tyousayyouwerepregnant.WOMANCYes,andbygod,Iam.900 1Tohaveachildinaholyplace,liketheAcropolis,wasconsideredasacrilege.
LYSISTRATA49LYSISTRATAThenwhy'veyougotthishelmet?WOMANCWell,incaseIwentintolabourinthecitadel.Icouldgivebirthrightinthehelmet,layitintherelikeanestingpigeon.LYSISTRATAWhatareyoutalkingabout?You'rejustmakinganexcuse - that'ssoobvious.You'llstayhereforatleastfivedaysuntilyournewchild'sbirthispurified.WOMANCIcan'tgetanysleepintheAcropolis,notsinceIsawthesnakethatguardstheplace.910[Morewomenstartsneakingoutofthecitadel]WOMANDNorcanI.I'mdyingfromlackofsleep[760]thosewretchedowlskeephootingallthetime.LYSISTRATAComeonladies,stopalltheseexcuses!Allright,youmissyourmen.Butdon'tyouseetheymissyou,too?I'msurethenightstheyspenddon'tbringthemanypleasure.Butplease,dearfriends,holdon - perseverealittlelonger.Anoraclehassaidwewillprevail,ifwestandtogether.That'swhatitsaid.WOMANATelluswhatitprophesied.LYSISTRATAThen,keepquiet.920"Whenthesparrows,astheyflyaway,[770]escapingfromthehoopoebirds,shallstaytogetherinoneplaceandshallsaynaytosexualencounters,thenabaddaywillberare.HighthunderingZeuswillsay'WhatoncewasunderneathontopI'lllay.'"LYSISTRATA50WOMANB[interrupting]Womenaregoingtolieontopofmen?LYSISTRATA[continuingtheoracle]"...butifthesparrowsfightandflyawayoutoftheholyshrine,peoplewillsaynobirdismorepromiscuousthanthey."930WOMANAThatoracleisclearenough,bygod.LYSISTRATAAllyouheavenlygods,canwestoptalkingofbeinginsuchdistress.Letusgobackin.For,mydearestfriends,itwillbeashameifwedon'tliveuptothisprophecy.[780][Lysistrataandthewomengobackintothecitadel,leavingthetwochoruses]MEN'SCHORUSI'dliketotellyouallatale,whichIheardoncewhenIwasyoungaboutMelanion,ayoungladwhofledfrommarriageandthencameintothewildsandsohelived940upinthehills.Hewovesomenets[790]andhuntedhares.Hehadadog.NotoncedidhereturnbackhomeHehatedwomen - theymadehimsick.Andwearenolesswisethanhe.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSLet'skiss,oldbag,giveitatry.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSYouwon'tneedonionstomakeyoucry.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSI'llliftmyleg - giveyouakick.LEADEROFWOMAN'SCHORUSDownthereyourpubichair'stoothick.[800]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSMyronideshadahairydick950
LYSISTRATA51andbeatfoeswithhisbigblackbum.ThatPhormiowasanotherone.1WOMEN'SCHORUSToyouI'dliketotellataletoansweryourMelanion.TherewasamancalledTimononce,avagabond,theFuries'child.Wildthistlescoveredhiswholeface.[810]Hewanderedofffilledupwithspiteandalwayscursingeviltypes.Butthoughhealwayshatedmen,960thoseofyouwhoaresuchrogues,womenhealwaysreallyloved.[820]LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSYou'dlikeapunchrightonthechin?LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSNotgiventhestateoffearI'min.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSWhatifIkickedyouwithmytoe?LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSWe'dseeyourpussydownbelow.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSAndthenyou'dsee,althoughI'moldit'snotallmattedhairdownthere,butsingedbylampandpluckedwithflair.[Lysistrataappearsonabalconyofthecitadel,lookingoffinthedistance.Otherwomencomeoutafterher]LYSISTRATAHey,youwomen!Overheretome.Comequick!970CALONICEWhat'sgoingon?Whyareyoushouting?[830] 1MyronidesandPhormioweretwodeadgeneralswhofoughtforAthens.LYSISTRATA52LYSISTRATAAman!Iseeamanapproachingmadwithlove,seizedwithdesireforAphrodite'srites.OholyqueenofCyprus,Cythera,andPaphos,keepmovingdowntheroad,thestraightpathyou'vebeentravellingon.CALONICEWhereishe,whoeverheis?LYSISTRATAOverthere,rightbesidetheshrineofChloe.CALONICEOyes,thereheis,bygod.Whoishe?LYSISTRATAHavealook.Doanyofyouknowhim?MYRRHINEOgod,Ido.980It'smyhusbandCinesias.LYSISTRATAAllright,yourjobistotormenthim,beatease,makehimhot,offertohavesexwithhim[840]andthenrefuse,tryeverythingyoucan,exceptthethingsyousworetoonthecup.MYRRHINEDon'tyouworry.I'lldothat.LYSISTRATAAllright,then.I'llstayheretohelpyouplaywithhim.We'llwarmhimuptogether.Youothers,goinside.[Thewomengoinside,includingMyrrhine.Cinesiasenterswithaverylargeerection.Anattendantcomeswithhimcarryingayoungbaby]
LYSISTRATA53CINESIASI'minadreadfulway.It'sallthisthrobbing.Andthestrain.Ifeel990asifI'mstretchedoutontherack.LYSISTRATAWho'sthere,standinginsideourlineofsentinels?CINESIASIt'sme.LYSISTRATAAman?CINESIASYes,takealookatthis!LYSISTRATAInthatcaseleave.Goonyourway.CINESIASWhoareyoutotellmetogetout?LYSISTRATAThedaytimewatch.CINESIASThen,bythegods,callMyrrhineforme.[850]LYSISTRATAYoutellmetosummonMyrrhineforyou?Whoareyou?CINESIASCinesias,herhusband,fromPaeonidae.1 1Sommerstein-p.2 00)po intsoutthatPaeon idaewasa politic aldist rictinnorthernAttica.Thenames uggeststheGreek verbpaiein,me aningtostrikeorcopu late.Sommersteinoffersthetranslati on"Bangwell."JackLin dsaytransl atestheplace as"Bangtown."LYSISTRATA54LYSISTRATAWelcome,dearfriend,yournameisnotunknowntous.Yourwifealways1000hasyouonherlips.Anytimeshelicksanappleoraneggshesays,"Ahme,ifonlythiscouldbeCinesias."[Lysistratalicksherfistobscenely]CINESIASOmygod!LYSISTRATAYes,byAphrodite,yes.Andwhenourtalkhappenstodealwithmen,yourwifespeaksupimmediately,"Othey'realluselesssorts[860]comparedtomyCinesias."CINESIASPleasecallherout.LYSISTRATAWhyshouldIdothat?Whatwillyougiveme?CINESIASWhateveryouwant,bygod.Ihavethis...[CinesiaswaveshiserectioninfrontofLysistrata]I'llgiveyouwhatI'vegot.LYSISTRATANothanks.1010IthinkI'lltellhertocomeouttoyou.[LysistrataleavestofetchMyrrhine]CINESIASHurryup.I'vehadnopleasureinlifesinceshe'sbeengonefromhome.Igoout,butI'minpain.Tomenoweverythingseemsempty.There'snojoyineatingfood.I'mjustsohorny.[LysistrataappearsdraggingMyrrhinewithher.Myrrhineispretendingtobereluctant]
LYSISTRATA55MYRRHINE[loudlysothatCinesiascanhear]Ilovehim.Ido.Buthe'sunwillingtomakelovetome,[870]tolovemeback.Don'tmakemegotohim.CINESIASOmydearsweetestlittleMyrrhine,whatareyoudoing?Comedownhere.1020MYRRHINEI'mnotgoingthere,bygod.CINESIASIfIaskyou,won'tyoucomedown,Myrrhine?MYRRHINEYou'vegotnoreasontobecallingme.Youdon'twantme.CINESIASYoudon'tthinkIwantyou?I'mabsolutelydyingforyou!MYRRHINEI'mleaving.CINESIASHoldon!Youmightwanttohearourchild.Canyoucalloutsomethingtoyourmama?CHILDMummy,mummy,mummy!CINESIASWhat'swrongwithyou?[880]Don'tyoufeelsorryfortheboy.It'snowsixdayssincehe'sbeenwashedorhadsomefood.1030MYRRHINEAhyes,Ipityhim.Butit'squiteclearhisfatherdoesn't.CINESIASMylovelywife,comedownheretothechild.LYSISTRATA56MYRRHINEBeingamotherissodemanding.Ibettergodown.WhatIputwith![MyrrhinestartscomingdownfromtheAcropolisaccentuatingthemovementofherhipsasshegoes]CINESIASSheseemstometobemuchyounger,easierontheeyes.Shewasactinglikeashrewandhaughty,butthatjustrousedmypassionevenmore.MYRRHINE[tothechild]Mydearsweetlittleboy.Butyourfather - suchrottenone.Comehere.I'llholdyou.1040[890]Mummy'slittlefavourite.CINESIASYoudim-wittedgirl,whatareyoudoing,lettingyourselfbeledonbytheseotherwomen,causingmegriefandinjuringyourself?MYRRHINEDon'tlayahandonme!CINESIASInsideourhomethingsareamess.Youstoppeddoinganything.MYRRHINEIdon'tcare.CINESIASYoudon'tcareyourweavingisbeingpickedapartbyhens?MYRRHINESowhat?CINESIASYouhaven'thonouredholyAphroditebyhavingsex,notforalongtimenow.1050Sowon'tyoucomeback?
LYSISTRATA57MYRRHINENo,bygod,Iwon't - [900]unlessyougivemesomethinginreturn.Endthiswar.CINESIASWellnow,that'ssomethingI'lldo,whenitseemsallright.MYRRHINEWellthen,I'llleavehere,whenitseemsallright.ButnowI'munderoath.CINESIASAtleastliedownwithmealittlewhile.MYRRHINEIcan't.I'mnotsayingIwouldn'tliketo.CINESIASYou'dliketo?Then,mylittleMyrrhine,liedownrighthere.MYRRHINEYoumustbejoking - infrontofourdearbabychild?CINESIASNo,bygod.1060[Cinesiasturnstowardtheattendant]Manes,taketheboybackhome.Allrightthen,thelad'snolongerintheway.Liedown.MYRRHINEBut,yousillyman,wheredowedoit?[910]CINESIASWhere?TheCaveofPan'sanexcellentplace.MYRRHINEHowwillIpurifymyselfwhenIreturnintothecitadel?LYSISTRATA58CINESIASYoucanwashyourselfinthewaterclock.Thatwoulddothejob.MYRRHINEWhatabouttheoathIswore?ShouldIbecomeawretchedperjurer?CINESIASI'lldealwiththat.Don'tworryabouttheoath.MYRRHINEWellthen,1070I'llgoandgetabedforus.CINESIASNo,no.Thegroundwilldo.MYRRHINENo,byApollo,no!Youmaybearascal,butontheground?No,Iwon'tmakeyouliedownthere.[MyrrhinegoesbackintotheAcropolistofetchabed]CINESIASAh,mywife - shereallylovesme.That'ssoobvious.[Myrrhinereappearscarryingasmallbed]MYRRHINEHereweare.GetontherewhileIundress.[920]Odear!Iforgottobringthemattress.CINESIASWhyamattress?Idon'tneedthat.MYRRHINEYoucan'tlieonthebedcord.No,no,byArtemis,thatwouldbeagreatdisgrace.
LYSISTRATA59CINESIASGivemeakiss - 1080rightnow!MYRRHINE[kissinghim]Thereyougo.[MyrrhinegoesbacktotheAcropolistofetchthemattress]CINESIASOhmygod - getbackherequickly![Myrrhinereappearswiththemattress]MYRRHINEHere'sthemattress.Youliedownonit.I'llgetmyclothesoff.Odearme!Youdon'thaveapillow.CINESIASButIdon'tneedapillow!MYRRHINEBygod,Ido.[MyrrhinegoesbacktotheAcropolisforapillow]CINESIASThiscockofmineisjustlikeHercules - he'sbeingdeniedhissupper.1[Myrrhinereturnswithapillow]MYRRHINELiftupabit.Comeon,up!There,Ithinkthat'severything.CINESIASThat'sallweneed.Comehere,mytreasure.[930]MYRRHINEI'mtakingofftheclotharoundmybreasts.1090 1Herculeswasfamousforalwaysbeinghungryandhavinganenormousappetite.LYSISTRATA60Now,don'tforget.Don'tyougolyingtomeaboutthatvoteforpeace.CINESIASOmygod,mayIdiebeforethathappens!MYRRHINEThere'snoblanket.CINESIASIdon'tneedone,bygod!Iwanttogetlaid!MYRRHINEDon'tworry.Youwillbe.I'llberightback.[MyrrhinegoesbacktotheAcropolistofetchablanket]CINESIASThatwoman'skillingmewithallthebedding![Myrrhinereturnswithablanket]MYRRHINEAllright,getup.CINESIASButit'salreadyup!MYRRHINEYouwantmetorubsomescentonyou?CINESIASNo,byApollo.Notforme.MYRRHINEI'lldoit,whetheryouwantitrubbedonthereornot - 1100forAphrodite'ssake.[MyrrhinegoesbacktotheAcropolistogettheperfume]CINESIASOgreatlordZeus,[940]pourtheperfumeout![Myrrhinereturnswiththeperfume]
LYSISTRATA61MYRRHINEHoldoutyourhand,now.Takethatandspreaditround.CINESIAS[rubbingtheperfumeonhimself]ByApollo,thisstuffdoesn'tsmellsosweet,notunlessit'srubbedonthoroughly - nosexysmell.MYRRHINE[inspectingthejarofperfume]I'msuchafool.IbroughttheRhodianscent!CINESIASIt'sfine.Justletitgo,mydarling.MYRRHINE[gettinguptoleave]You'rejustsayingthat.[MyrrhinegoesbacktotheAcropolistogettherightperfume]CINESIASDamnthewretchwhofirstcameupwithperfume![MyrrhinecomesbackfromtheAcropoliswithanotherboxofperfume]MYRRHINEGrabthisalabasterthing.CINESIAS[wavinghiscock]Yougrabthisalabastercock.Comeliedownhere,youtease.Don'tgoandfetch1110anotherthingforme.MYRRHINEByArtemis,I'llgrabit.I'mtakingoffmyshoes.Now,mydarling,[950]youwillbevotingtobringonapeace.CINESIASI'mplanningto.[MyrrhinegoesbacktotheAcropolis.Cinesiasturnsandseesshe'sgone]Thatwoman'skillingme!Sheteasedme,gotmeallinflamed,thenleft.[Cinesiasgetsupanddeclaimsinaparodyoftragicstyle]LYSISTRATA62Alas,whysufferfromsuchagony?WhocanIscrew?Why'dshebetrayme,themostbeautifulwomanofthemall?Poorlittlecock,howcanIcareforyou?Where'sthatCynalopex?I'llpayhimwell1120tonursethislittlefellowbacktohealth.1LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSYoupoorman,insuchafix - yourspiritsotrickedandindistress.Ipityyou.[960]Howcanyourkidneysstandthestrain,yourballs,yourloins,yourbum,yourbrainendureanerectionthat'shardforyou,withoutachanceofamorningscrew.CINESIASOmightyZeus,it'sstartedthrobbingonceagain.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSAdirtystinkingbitchdidthistoyou.CINESIASNo,bygod,alovinggirl,asweetone,too.1130[970]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSSweet?Nother.She'satease,aslut.CINESIASAllright,sheisatease,but - OZeus,Zeus,Iwishyou'dsweepherupthereinagreatdrivingstorm,likedustintheair,whirlheraround,thenfalltotheground.Thenasshe'scarrieddown,toearthonemoretime,1140letherfallrightawayonthispeckerofmine. 1Cynalopex-="FoxDog")wasthenicknameofPhilostratuswhoapparentlywasapimp.
LYSISTRATA63[EntertheSpartanherald.He,too,hasagianterection,whichheistryingtohideunderhiscloak]SPARTANHERALDWhere'stheAthenianSenateandthePrytanes?1[980]Icomewithfreshdispatches.CINESIAS[lookingattheHerald'serection]Areyouaman,orsomephallicmonster?SPARTANHERALDI'maherald,bythetwingods.Andmygoodman,IcomefromSpartawithaproposal,arrangementsforatruce.CINESIASIfthat'sthecase,whydoyouhaveaspearconcealedinthere?SPARTANHERALDI'mnotconcealinganything,bygod.1150CINESIASThenwhyareyouturningtooneside?Whatthatthingthere,stickingfromyourcloak?Hasyourjourneymadeyourgroininflamed?SPARTANHERALDByoldCastor,thisman'sinsane!CINESIASYourogue,you'vegotahardon!SPARTANHERALDNoIdon't,Itellyou.[990]Let'shavenomorenonsense.CINESIAS[pointingtotheherald'serection]Thenwhat'sthat? 1ThePrytaneswasthebusinesscommitteeoftheAtheniancouncil.LYSISTRATA64SPARTANHERALDIt'saSpartanherald'sstick.CINESIASOthat'swhatitis,aSpartanheraldstick.Let'shaveachat.Tellmethetruth.HowarethingsgoingforyououtthereinSparta?SPARTANHERALDNotgood.TheSpartans1160areallstandingtallandtheallies,too - everyoneisfirmandhard.Weneedathrustinsomeone'srear.1CINESIASThistroubleofyours - wherediditcomefrom?WasitfromPan?2SPARTANHERALDNo.IthinkitstartedwithLampito.Then,athersuggestion,otherwomeninSparta,asiffromonestartinggate,ranofftokeepmenfromtheirhoneypots.3[1000]CINESIASHowareyoudoing?SPARTANHERALDWe'reallinpain.Wegoaroundthecitydoubledup,1170likemenwholightthelamps.4Thewomen 1TheGreekreads"weneedPellene,"anareainthePeloponnesealliedwithSparta.But,asSommersteinpointsout-p.206),thisisundoubtedlyapuninvokingawordmeaningvaginaoranus. Inthee xchanges whichfollow,theSpartansared epictedashavingadecidedpreferenceforanalsex.2Panwasagodassociatedwithwildunrestrainedsexinthewilderness.3ThemeaningoftheGreekwordhussakosisveryobscure.Sommersteintranslatesas"porkbarrels."4Thelamplightershadtowalkalongbentoverinordertoprotecttheflametheycarried.
LYSISTRATA65won'tletustouchtheirpussies,notuntilwe'vemadeapeacewithallofGreece.CINESIASThismatterisafemaleplot,agrandconspiracyaffectingallofGreece.NowIunderstand.ReturntoSpartaasfastasyoucango.Tellthemtheymustsendoutambassadors[1010]withfullauthoritytodealforpeace.I'lltelloutleadersheretomakeachoiceofourambassadors.I'llshowthemmyprick.1180SPARTANHERALDAllyou'vesaidisgoodadvice.Imustfly.[CinesiasandtheSpartanHeraldexitinoppositedirections]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSThere'snowildanimalhardertocontrolthanwomen,notevenblazingfire.Thepantheritselfdisplaysmoreshame.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSIfyouknowthat,thenwhywagewarwithme?Youoldscoundrel,wecouldbelastingfriends.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSButmyhatredforwomenwillnotstop!LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSWhateveryouwant.ButIdon'tmuchliketolookatyoulikethis,withoutyourclothes.[1020]Itmakesmerealizehowsillyyouare.1190Look,I'llcomeoverandputyourshirton.[TheLeaderoftheWomen'sChoruspicksupatunic,goesovertotheLeaderoftheMen'sChorus,andhelpshimputiton.]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSBygod,whatyou'vejustdoneisnotsobad.Itookitoffinafitofstupidrage.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSNowatleastyoulooklikeamanagain.LYSISTRATA66Andpeoplewon'tfindyouridiculous.Ifyouhadn'tbeensonastytome,I'dgrabthatinsectstuckinyoureyeandpullitout.It'sstillinthere.LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSSothat'swhat'stroublingme.Here'saring.Scrapeitoff.Getitoutandshowittome.1200God,that'sbeeninjuringmyeyeforages.[TheLeaderoftheWomen'sChorustakestheringandinspectstheLeaderoftheMen'sChorusintheeye]LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSI'lldoit.Youmenarebornhardtoplease.[1030]Mygod,youpickedupamonstrousinsect.Havealook.That'saTricorynthusbug!1LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSByZeus,you'vebeenamightyhelptome.Thatthing'sbeendiggingwellsinmeawhile.Nowit'sbeenremoved,myeyesarestreaming.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSI'llwipeitforyou,thoughyou'reascoundrel.I'llgiveyouakiss.LEADEROFTHEMEN'SCHORUSIdon'twantakiss.LEADEROFWOMEN'SCHORUSI'llwill,whetherit'swhatyouwantornot.1210[Shekisseshim]LEADEROFMEN'SCHORUSOyou'vegotme.You'reborntoflatterus.Thatsayinggotitright - itstatesthecasequitewell,"Thesewomen - onehasnolifewiththem,andcannotlivewithoutthem."ButnowI'llmakeatrucewithyou.Iwon't[1040] 1TricorynthusisaregioninAttica,nearMarathon.Presumablyitwasfamousforitsinsects.
LYSISTRATA67insultyouanymoreindaystocome,andyouwon'tmakemesuffer.Sonow,let'smakeacommongroupandsingasong.[TheMen'sandWomen'sChorusescombine]COMBINEDCHORUS[addressingtheaudience]Youcitizens,we'renotinclinedwithanyofyoutobeunkind.1220Justthereverse - ourwordstoyouwillbequitenice.We'llactwell,too.Fornowwe'vehadenoughbadnews.Soifamanorwomanhere[1050]needsreadycash,giveoutacheer,andtakesomeminae,twoorthree.Coinsfillourpursesnow,yousee.Andifwegetapeacetreaty,youtakesomemoneyfromthesack,andkeepit.Youdon'tpayitback.1230I'mgoingtohaveagreatshindig - I'vegotsomesoup,I'llkillapig - withCarystianfriends,allgoodmen.1[1060]You'lleatfinetendermeatagain.Cometomyhousethisveryday.Butfirstwashallthedirtaway,youandyourkids,thenwalkonby.Noneedtoaskapersonwhy.Justcomestraightin,asifmyhomewaslikeyourown - foratmyplace1240[1070]we'llshutthedoorrightinyourface.[AgroupofSpartansenters]LEADEROFTHECHORUSAh,herecometheSpartanambassadorstrailingtheirlongbeards.They'vegotsomethinglikeapigpenbetweentheirthighs. 1CarystusisastatefromEuboea,alliedtoAthens.LYSISTRATA68[TheSpartanambassadorsenter,movingwithdifficultybecauseoftheirenormouserections.]MenofSparta,firstofall,ourgreetings.Tellushowyouare.Whyhaveyoucome?SPARTANAMBASSADORWhywastealotofwordstotellyou?Youseethestatethatbroughtushere.[TheSpartansalldisplaytheirerectionswithmilitaryprecision]LEADEROFTHECHORUSOhmy!Thecrisishasgrownmoresevere.Itseemsthestrainisworsethanever1250SPARTANAMBASSADORIt'sindescribable.WhatcanIsay?[1080]Butletsomeonecome,giveusapeaceinanywayhecan.LEADEROFTHECHORUSWellnow,Iseeourownambassadors - theylookjustlikeourwrestlingmenwiththeirshirtsstickingoutaroundtheirbelliesorlikeathletictypeswhoneedtoexercisetocuretheirsickness.ATHENIANAMBASSADORWhere'sLysistrata?Cansomeonetellme?We'remenhereand,well,look...[TheAthenianspullbacktheircloaksandrevealthat,liketheSpartans,theyallhavegianterections]LEADEROFTHECHORUSThey'reclearlysufferingfromthesamedisease.1260Hey,doesitthrobearlyinthemorning?ATHENIANAMBASSADORBygod,yes.Whatthisisdoingtome - [1090]
LYSISTRATA69it'storture.Ifwedon'tgetatreatysoonwe'llgoingtohavetocornholeCleisthenes.1LEADEROFTHECHORUSIfyou'resmart,keepitcoveredwithyourcloak.OneofthosemenwhochoppedoffHermes'dickmightseeyou.2ATHENIANAMBASSADOR[pullinghiscloakoverhiserection]Bygod,that'sgoodadvice.SPARTANAMBASSADOR[doingthesame]Yes,bythetwingods,excellentadvice.I'llpullmymantleoverit.ATHENIANAMBASSADORGreetings,Spartans.We'rebothsufferingdisgracefully.1270SPARTANAMBASSADORYes,dearsir,we'dhavebeeninrealpainifoneofthosedick-clippershadseenuswithourpeckersstickinguplikethis.ATHENIANAMBASSADORAllright,Spartans,weeachneedtotalk.[1100]Whyareyouhere?SPARTANAMBASSADORAmbassadorsforpeace.ATHENIANAMBASSADORWellsaid.Wewantthesame.Whydon'twecallLysistrata.She'stheonlyonewho'llbringaresolutiontoourdifferences. 1CleistheneswasawellknownAthenian,whomAristophanesfrequentlyridiculesasapassivehomosexual.2In415thestatuesofHermesinAthensweremutilatedbyhavingtheirpeniseschoppedoff,averysacrilegiousact.LYSISTRATA70SPARTANAMBASSADORBythetwogods,bringinLysistratus,ifhe'stheoneyouwaquotesdbs_dbs10.pdfusesText_16